Sometimes I Don't Get It

Sometimes I just dont get it. I dont get why we have so much pain in our lives. And I dont get why we have to hurt so much.

Its 3:03am and my roommate has been throwing up for 2 and a half hours. I decided to stay up with him to keep him company and make sure he’s okay. He’s sleeping on the couch now and Im on the other one just to make sure he doesn't wake up and throws up again.

When he was throwing up in the bathroom, I kept thinking to myself, why? Why do we face so much pain in our lives at the worst possible moments.

I know there is an answer in the scriptures. Without pain we cant understand or know happiness. and that makes sense. I know that Heavenly Father has made it this way for a reason. And I cant argue that at all. Pain is soehtign that can shape how you act and who you are today.

But It just sucks how things can happen at the worst times. Like just when you think things coulde’t get worse, they do. This month has been a crap show and to be completely honest, so has this year. There have been highlights here and there. But Its been a hard year. And im scared its going to get much harder.

I told you that after the bike crash, I kept thinking about what my reason and purpose was here. And that has been on my mind everyday for the past two weeks. I keep thinking to myself, is there a reason why I am here in Rexburg. rooming with my roommates now. Working on projects that are sent my way. Why have I met people in the past and questioning if the people I have met recently are true friends and can be trusted. Its been a tough time and I cant help but be scared, paranoid, and self conscious.

I know im not going to get an answer from a burning bush or a light from Heaven. But sometimes I just wish I could. it would take away so much stress and that would be a really huge comfort. Ive found that in rexburg, im surrounded by questions and worries. and it gets worse if I were to go anywhere else But there is a special place to me in the mountains that I found last year. I decided to go back there a day ago. When I got there, it was just me. just me in the woods. no cars, no humans, just the trees and the sounds of nature. This felt weird because I felt at peace. I said a prayer there and it felt like one of the most sincere prayers I have said in a while. I dont know if I found comfort from that or if I was just able to relax. But either way., some measure of peace is good right?

Sorry if this has been a rant or something. I made this blog to write about whatever. And I like to keep it that way. This post won’t have photos or anything, but it comes from the heart.

if theres one more thing that I have to say, is that I hope that things start making sense soon. not only for me, but for all the other people I care about. everyone deserves clarity and peace, and even when we work hard to align ourself with Heavenly Father, it can still take time. So for anyone reading this, I am praying for you, that you get your answers. That you find your reason and your path.

One step at a time right?

with love -Husain